you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
