rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
