I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
