I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
