Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
