i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
