Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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