I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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