Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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