what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
