there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
