can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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