no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
