Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
