I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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