Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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