drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
