I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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