i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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