I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize