I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
