I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
