dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
