where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
