my mouth tastes like poor choices
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
