dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
