Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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