I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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