dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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