is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
zippers are such a cool invention
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
