Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
