Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
