Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
