I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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