I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
