I accidentally had phone sex last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
