I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When are your genitals available?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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