I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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