She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woke up backwards on a recliner
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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