I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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