Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!

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(585): View more from New York

we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.

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(917): View more from New York City

She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

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(425): View more from Washington

the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(318): View more from Louisiana

Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.

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(239): View more from Florida

I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

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(330): View more from Ohio

You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions

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(801): View more from Utah

Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.

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(816): View more from Missouri

OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM

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