Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
