got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
