I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You kept saying ākekeā over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case youāre wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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