I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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