she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
