he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
