everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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