It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
