I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
