Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
