Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
