It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
