Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
