and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
