i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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