he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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