This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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