u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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