I think i peed on brittanys purse
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
