that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
