a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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