dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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