She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
