I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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