In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
