I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
