I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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