margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
