Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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