a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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